Kid-isms

Kids get to a certain age and they just become FUNNY. Now, I have two of them who are like this and we have lots of laughter in our house. I’ve gathered up a bunch of things that these two have come out with over the last several months that made us giggle. Beware, it is not a short list.

——–

Liam was doing something strange – as is his wont – and I told him he was odd. His response?

“Yes, I am odd. It’s part of my charm.”

His self-confidence is just the BEST.

———

Scot was using the bathroom one day and Jamie followed him in. He’s still sort of fascinated by the pee-standing-up thing. So he was watching Scot do his thing and he starts chanting:

“wait for it…. wait for it….”

Oh, child.

———-

I was going out one day and leaving Jamie with Scot. I asked Jamie if he could do me a favor and behave for Daddy.

“Yes, I be very have for Daddy.”

———-

It’s a well established fact that Liam is a LEGO nut. He has all kinds of kits and he builds all sort of things with random parts he has laying around. He came to me one day and announced “My new goal in LEGOs is to build a toilet. I’m going to put little brown LEGOs in it.”

And he did:

LEGO Toilet

LEGO Toilet

———

Toward the end of the school year, but before the weather really warmed up, I had the following conversation with Liam one morning before school.

Liam: Maybe you need to drive me to school.

Me: No, I’m not dressed.

Liam: You want YOUR SON to get frostbite?!

Me: Nice try, kiddo.

———-

I don’t remember the context on this one but it kind of speaks for itself.

Jamie: Please have one more baby, Mom.

Me: NO.

———-

All in one morning as we were getting ready for school, I got these two things from the kids.

Liam: My subconscious doesn’t want me to go to school.

Jamie (wandering about with a single sock on): I only wearing one sock because only one foot is cold!

———-

Sometimes what they say makes me melt instead of laugh.

Jamie: Mommy? I miss Liam. He my best boy.

Liam to Jamie: Brothers are ALWAYS best friends.

———-

One day we were on our way home in the car and I flipped on the radio because Jamie wanted music. I managed to stumble on a station playing A-Ha’s “Take On Me.”  Liam listened for a few minutes while I sang along and then said, “That sounds like videogame music!”

Whippersnapper.

———-

Over the weekend, Scot and I were putting together a bookcase for our bedroom and Jamie was watching. He kept trying to hand us tools and was sort of obsessed with when we might need the hammer. Finally, Scot says:

Scot: Are you Captain Hammer?

Jamie: Yup!

Me: Is the hammer your penis?

Jamie: (pause) YUP!

———–

Jamie is a chatterbox. He *never* stops talking. It’s exhausting sometimes. One day I asked him:

Me: Jamie, do you EVER stop talking?

Jamie: Sometimes.

Scot: When? I’d like to plan my day around it.

Jamie: Sundays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.

Okay, then.

———–

When Jamie was in the throes of the Terrifically Terrible Threes, I took some video on my phone of him having a tantrum. Basically I did it because it was funny to me and because then I could show Jamie just how ridiculous he looks when he’s having one. (And, surprisingly, showing it to him will generally make him quit with the tantrum.)

So, one day I pulled it out and showed him.

Jamie: Stop it! It freakin’ me out!

———–

One day, Jamie walked in on Scot getting dressed and said “Wow! You really, really hairy!” Scot then offered to shave his  body hair and glue it to Jamie’s face.

Jamie: You gonna make me BARF!

Get used to the hair, kid. It’s your eventual destiny.

———–

I don’t remember exact context on this one, either. But again, it speaks for itself.

Jamie: I not a monkey buns! I a HOBO!

———–

When Jamie is lazy about doing something I ask him to do or doesn’t want to walk where I tell him to I’ll say something like “Do you have two broken limbs? No. You don’t. So go do it yourself.”  One day he walked up to me and asked me to pick him up and carry him. (He’s pushing 45 pounds, FYI). I refused.

Jamie: But I have 2 broken legs!

Good try, kiddo but the fact that you’re standing there negates your statement.

 

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