It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?

Life in my neck of the woods has been difficult and I’ve been trying to deal with it. It has made blogging impossible.

I know I talked about how bad 2012 was for us. It was terrible and I’d like to avoid repeating it, thank you. I was hoping for 2013 to start better and it hasn’t. Without saying too specifically, there’s been a lot of upheaval for Scot with regard to his depression, some of which made us look like the neighborhood side show.

And it broke me.

I was struggling before now. I had trouble getting through the summer with all the stress on my head and I had a lot of anxiety and weepy periods during that time. Fall seemed to be at least somewhat better and I thought I could handle things.

But with everything going on here since the start of the year, I became increasingly irritable and angry with the kids. I became withdrawn if at all possible. I didn’t want to deal with the kids needing anything from me and I was snippy and bitchy about any reasonable request. I just wanted everyone to LEAVE ME ALONE. I wanted to shut down and not function but because Scot was already occupying that role (for good reasons), I couldn’t and I hated it. It felt as though my life was nothing but a series of responsibilities I’d saddled myself with and it would never be anything more. No joy. No happiness. Just drudgery.

Scot finally convinced me to get help and I was SO TIRED of my life the idea of not feeling the way I felt made me feel desperate for a solution.

So I went to see someone and was diagnosed with depression. Is it innate? Is it circumstantial? It doesn’t matter. The causes don’t really make a difference to the treatment. I was put on Zoloft.

I’ve spent the last month getting adjusted to to it. I had to have the dosage increased but it seems like I’ve found the sweet spot now.

I am patient with my children – within reason. I find myself so much less irritable than I was before. I find joy in my children’s laughter instead of UGH ANNOYANCE at the noise. I am less anxious about everything – particularly the tattered shreds of our budget and how difficult money issues have become around here. I clean and I shower and I don’t eat the entire contents of my pantry.

So, I apologize for the absence but I was dealing with STUFF. Heavy stuff that made me feel terrible and completely uninterested in writing. I’m climbing out of that now and feeling better than I have in months.


Amazing Eight

Yesterday Liam turned eight years old. He’s getting to be such a big kid now; only two more years until double digits. WHOA.

He’s still loving, caring, sweet, and empathetic. He is also still cranky and sass-filled at times.  I think that has a lot to do with his intelligence outstripping his emotional maturity at this point. I’ll probably be dealing with that until he’s 25. Over the last year he and his brother have become partners in crime, making up games and building forts and fighting the way siblings do.

Liam also continues to be an excellent student who earned straight A’s again this quarter. He’s becoming a stronger reader and really has an affinity for math. The kid who once took apart my back door at 14 months of age has turned into an absolute WHIZ with Legos. He can build any kit you hand him without regard for age, difficulty level, or number of pieces. He also builds amazing things with the bins of random Legos he has in his room. He dreams up creations and some are so good I can’t tell that they weren’t designed by Lego.

Eight also marks the end of the car seat era for Liam and I could not be happier.

So here’s to Age Eight: May it be amazing, wonderful, and filled with love.